You would think that receiving praise graciously is a given. Well, the opposite is true for many, many women. When they are given praise, they feel suddenly uncomfortable, embarrassed, unworthy or downright suspicious of the person praising them.
Do YOU feel uncomfortable in such situations?
Do YOU feel embarrassed or unworthy?
Do YOU get downright suspicious and wonder what this person is after?
For instance, think of this scenario: Today you look really lovely in a beautiful dress. Of course, people start giving you praise and complimenting you on how great you look.
How do you react?
- "Oh this old thing?"
- "This? I bought this rag in a Charity shop for $5!"
- "Surely you don't mean that! This dress was rotting away in my closet so I thought I'd put it on today before I throw it away..."
- "What are you after?"
- "You say that to anybody!"
- "Oh stop it!"
- "You don't mean that!"
- "No, look at me, I look terrible! I didn't wash my hair today!"
- "Well, I don't like this dress, if you want it you can have it."
- "Oh shut up!" (or other stronger, not altogether polite words)
- "Oh go away!" (or other rude word that spring to mind starting with the letter F)
- "No, I'm not going to sleep with you!"
Or sometimes you could be laughing nervously and looking away without saying anything.
Are you familiar with any of these statements?
Have you been told the exact same things when you praised someone?
How did it make you feel? Not great, I wager.
Or do YOU say these things in response to praise?
Don' t you think that, at the very least, it is rude and bad manners?
Would you say any of the above when relatives, friends or acquaintances gave you a small gift?
Would you ask them what they are after?
Would you tell them to get the hell away?
Would you tell them that their gift is rubbish and throw it back at them?
I hope not, because oh la la, if you do this, then you need to brush up on etiquette mon amie, tout de suite!
So, when someone praises you, and you use any of the above statements, not only is this rude (YES it IS rude!) but it also upsets and embarrass the giver.
You probably hadn't thought of it this way, but what you do, really, is you question their gift, their judgement (well this dress is old/ugly/second-hand...), their intentions (what are you after/I'm not going to sleep with you), you reject them (Go away/ Shut up/Stop it, or worse!). What kind of a friend would do this when offered a praise?
today, I am going to help you with this. I am going to reframe your concept of praise.
Praise is not something to refuse, which you do by saying the above phrases. You need to view praise differently. When people praise you, they give you something to make you happy, out of their good heart. Giving you praise makes them happy too. So praise is essentially, a GIFT.
So, now that I've told you that praise is only but a gift, offered from a good heart, what you need to do is smile graciously, accept the gift and say thank you! This is what you do for other gifts, am I right?
SMILE graciously, accept the gift and say THANK YOU!
Practice this every day in front of the mirror if you have to.
PS. I am thinking of creating a very affordable but powerful mini video series offering EFT tapping and Creative visualisation to help you feel worthy of praise and accept praise graciously. This will help raise your confidence and self-worth. If you want to stop feeling unworthy of praise, give me a shout! Well, you don't have to shout exactly but please contact me here if you want to do something about this, or post a comment below.